Is it even possible?

Okay, so it's been a while since I've wrote. Apologies--I knew this would become an issue. Back in NY, actually just came back from spending a few days with my family and a friend in North Carolina. Summer kind of swept me along for the ride so far. I got the internship I needed to get, found the class I need to finish. And the truth is all I want to do is just FINISH it. I'm tired of doing homework, even if it IS just for one class. I love the professor, and the people in the class are pretty nice. I do, however, hate driving all the way to Hofstra four days a week. I don't like a lot of the subject matter. On the flip side, on June 22, it will be DONE and I won't have to deal with it anymore. I'm glad I'm getting it overwith.

A question for all of my Christian friends: have you even been really angry with God over someone else's life, and then looked at your own and wondered a) how you could possibly be entitled to it and/or b) how you could possibly be angry with God after He gave you a ridiculously good life? I have so many good things right now--Babes in Arms rehearsals start TOMORROW and I am, honestly, too excited for words. I've been seeing a whole lot of my friends from Centerstage; it has been so, so good to be in their lives, in person, on a regular basis, to go to their shows and to Alix's confirmation and to even have some of them in my house! They give me such strength and energy. I just came back from seeing my little cousins, Trish and Joseph (7 and almost 6) who live in North Carolina. They are true delights and I wish we lived closer to them so I could see them more than twice or three times a year. They remind me what it was like to be a real kid. I also got to see my old friend Laura, who moved to North Carolina when I was in high school; Laura was actually one of my teachers but we became very, very close friends. Before Laura moved, I was terrible at keeping in touch with people. Laura and I have managed to posess (in spite of distance and her being thirteen years my senior) an uncanny ability to pick up right where we left off. She's another one who I only see a few times a year now, but when we do get to see each other, it's great. It also helps that I have family in North Carolina; it's one stop to see everyone!

But back to my "anger at God." I found out when we got back tonight that one of my best friends since I was 10 years old is in the hospital for what feels like the umpteenth time in her life. She has a serious condition which keeps sending her back for ailment after ailment. I don't understand why all I have to deal with are a few allergies, some extra pounds, and a little anxiety while she has to deal with true medical hell. I'm feeling terribly guilty about going to Babes in Arms rehearsal tomorrow night after visiting her in the hospital--I don't think I deserve to be as happy as I know I will be at rehearsal. I know God gives us all our own hands and as my mother said to me tonight, "all you can do is pray." Sometimes I don't want to pray. I want to fix. And I know I can't.